For the penultimate edition of The Online Raga, we interrogated some of the busiest OCs on the days of Malhar – Administration (Admin), Entertainment, Theatricals and Contests (ETC), Assistance and World Performing Arts (WPA). We grilled them on their fantasies, addictions and their favourite James Bond movie: Octopussy.
What is the plural of octopus?
Lisanne (OC Admin): Oh, I know! Octopi. Tee hee hee.
Nakul (OC ETC): Octopi. No, wait! I have a better answer. Octopussies.
Leroy (OC Assistance): Haha, yeah man, octopussiessss. Extra ‘s’s.
Sonika (OC WPA): Octopusss. Octo + puss, just add an ‘s’. It’s what I always do.
Tell us what your hobby is.
Lisanne (thinks) (gives a wide smile): Getting high on coke.
Leroy: ***** (didn’t pass the censors.)
Nakul: That’s damn uncreative, man. (Whispers) I’m only saying it for the Online Raga, I don’t mean it.
Sonika: Eating.
Sonika: Eating.
Leroy: Wait, don’t go to the next question. I’m thinking of a witty answer.
3 minutes later.
(We get tired of waiting.)
What do you lie about the most?
Lisanne (in a sing-song voice): I don’t lie.
Nakul: My hobbies.
Leroy: (Stalls for time by laughing.) Food. (After grabbing a packet of Bingo from OC Raga) No, I don’t steal anything.
Sonika: Food. I steal food. I love free food. I lie about food. Food, food, FOOD.
(Interview is stalled by Sonika answering a call. “Dude I’m eating, I mean talking about eating. Food. Shut up ya. Bye.”)
(Interview is stalled by Sonika answering a call. “Dude I’m eating, I mean talking about eating. Food. Shut up ya. Bye.”)
If you were invisible, what would you do?
Lisanne (in response to her OGs’ suggestions): Don’t give them ideas. I’d go to Nakul’s room and, and ... see what he does. Sorry, Nakul.
Leroy: Me too. Invisible party in Nakul’s room, dude!
Lisanne: What’s an invisible party?
Nakul: How will you follow me if I’m invisible?
Sonika: I would steal all the money in the world. (to Nakul) I don't want to come to your room and see all those invisible people there.
Sonika: I would steal all the money in the world. (to Nakul) I don't want to come to your room and see all those invisible people there.
Nakul: I will stay in my room. So that everyone can come there and do, umm, whatever.
What’s your poison?
Lisanne (thinks a lot): I don’t know. Are you going to write that? I feel like a boat. I don’t know what to do. (Asks OC Raga for help) The sight of Nakul coming out of his (obscene gestures).
Nakul: Octopussy?
Leroy: (Thinks hard) Sonika! (Laughs. Realises that no one else does so. Shuts up)
Sonika: Such things cannot be said. Damn, I can't say it. (Asks Leroy for help) Okay, cheeseballs.
What is one thing you’re addicted to/crazy about?
Lisanne: Uh-oh. Cute boys.
Leroy: Somewhere in the crowd right now.
Lisanne: No, not Volv.... (stops abruptly)
Nakul: Judging by the interview so far, I’ll go with Octopussies.
Sonika: Pink.
What is your favourite Malhar scandal so far?
Lisanne: (Hoots) Wait. (conspires with Sonika). Which one? The Big Fight. No no no no no no no, don’t write that. It could be any fight, right? (kicks self).
Sonika: Fine, Tanay. No, no! My scandal is Volvino and Lisanne! (rolls up sleeves) The "grind, grind".
Lisanne (unhappily): &*^%
Nakul: The scandal I told you about (refers to the charge of the Lit Brigade) What about Leroy and Ginelle? Are they a scandal?
Leroy: Have to go with Tanay and Shweta. I take credit for the whole thing. (Ask him how.)
How would you ‘celebrate life’?
Lisanne (laughs): By making … cake.
Nakul: By bringing some girl into…(laughs) Pass.
Leroy: Cutting Nakul’s head. I mean his hair. Yeah!
Sonika: Cadbury celebration. (Pauses to answer phone again: "You @#$%^&! Tell me you're in college! Ya, I'm in the middle of a Raga interview." Realises that she is in the middle of a Raga interview and hangs up.)
Who intimidates you the most from the OC?
Lisanne: Who intimidates me the most from the OC? I love everyone. But someone, wait I’m thinking. Ahhh. But what if I love everyone? Oye, The OC.
Nakul: Shruti, I think. I shouldn’t have said that, right? Damn.
Leroy: Lisanne.
Lisanne: Really? Leroy: No!
Sonika: In an ugly way? I don't know if everyone knows about this, but Conrad. As Mr. E.
If Malhar were a Rubik’s cube, which colour would you be?
Lisanne: Red, because I’m the most famous. But that’s also the most common. Shit.
Nakul: I cannot reveal ARG information.
Sonika: Pink. I love it. Yes, I know it isn't on the Rubik's Cube. My cube is special.
Leroy: Green, because I love it.
How would you break up with an annoying boyfriend/girlfriend?
Lisanne: Cheat on him. (Fights with Leroy) And let him catch you. Then I won’t look like the bitch.
Raga: Think about what you just said.
Lisanne (obediently): (thinks)
Nakul: Haaaaave you met Leroy?
Leroy: Cheat on him or her … no, her, her. I meant her. Yeah, then go tell her and make sure she breaks up with me.
Sonika: By telling him, "Stay away from me. You smell like ***." I told Leroy–no, Steve this. Lisanne: Oh I get it. Then I’ll be cheating. OH.
Tell us some gossip.
Lisanne: When we went to Gokul, we were playing Never Have I Ever. They drank. He, this one... Arre, what’s his name? Leroy! I forgot what I was saying. I fell off the bench in Gokul once. Nakul: Later. Leroy: Er... err....
Sonika: About each other, no. What were the sounds yesterday at 8.30 in LR 14? PR and Marketing were the last to leave. (Asks incessantly for the next question.)
Who would sabotage Malhar, and why?
Lisanne: ( Thinks. Thinks a lot. OGs disown her. ) I feel like a boat.
Nakul: Shruti, for obvious reasons.
Leroy: Mickey Mouse. He’s gay you know. (When the Raga talks about Minnie Mouse, he refuses to discuss it further)
Sonika: B***s (refuses to elucidate).
What is your deepest desire?
Lisanne (coughs a lot, causing everyone to back away): Gregorian monks. I want to swim in a pool of chocolate with them.
Nakul: Mariana Trench.
Leroy: To pull down the FA umbrella so that I can have it for himself.
Raga: Something to remember OC FA by, perhaps?
Leroy: (turns deep shade of red)
Sonika: For Lisanne, it's Volvino. For Leroy, Ginelle. Don't stick your head out at me like that Leroy! For Nakul, it's Vibhuti. Nakul: Damn this WPA.
Raga: And for you?
Sonika: Next question.
(Raga has since learnt that for Nakul, it is most definitely not Vibhuti. Whispers about some Uncle Sam abound. When asked later, Nakul replied, “It’s all true”)
Which member of the quartet would you be?
Lisanne: What? (Raga repeats the question, slowly and clearly) Sonali. Because she’s cool like that. (Makes cool hand gesture.)
Nakul: I’m just Sonia John. Koi shakh?
Leroy: None of them. It’s a ‘chicks’ thing, and I don’t want to be a chick.
Sonika: Ya, even I would be Sonia. I'd be new. Everything is about me. Malhar is about me. It would be fun.
Which bird are you? Why?
Lisanne: I’m a dodo. Extinct and dumb. Also (after being prompted by OGs) redundant.
Leroy: (Gestures to OG Raga suggestively. OG in question is scarred for life)
Nakul: I’m a thunderbird.
Leroy: (Sings in a tuneless, squeaky voice) Bird of prey, high and high.
Sonika: Ladybird.
Nakul : That’s a bicycle.
Nakul : That’s a bicycle.
Sonika: The bug ladybird.
Raga: Then it’s not a bird.
What is hidden under your bed?
Lisanne: A ghost. I get scared of it...
Nakul: Under my bed? Karsten Miranda, OC PR Malhar ‘08
Leroy: (in an undertone) Ginelle. (Much louder) No, no, I didn’t say that. Please?
Sonika: Another bed. No really. When people come home, they lift up my thing - er, bed. (loses track of where she was going)
What is the cheesiest line you’ve ever heard?
Lisanne: Can it be a pick up line? Your looks are killing and I want to be killed. One boy on Orkut.
Raga: Does his name start with a ‘V’ and end with a ‘olvino’?
Nakul: “How about you sit on my lap and we talk about the first thing that pops up?” Oh and also, “Your father must be the bomb...” Shit. I ruined the punchline.
Leroy: Cheese balls.
Sonika: Nice shoes... What's your size?
When and how do you want to die?
Lisanne: I want to be omnipresent. I mean, umm, what’s the word yaar? Where you don’t die?
Nakul: At 27, with a gun in my mouth.
Leroy: I want to die in my sleep on a boat with food, a lot of breeze and a lot of girls in bikinis. Actually if my life is like that, I want to be immortal.
Sonika: At 31. I'll die bungee jumping. Listen, Leroy can't be immortal. Nobody wants him to be immortal. Shut him in a dustbin. He's so desperate.
Lisanne: Immortal! That’s the word.
What fills you with Umang?
Lisanne: What does Umang mean? Sugar. I don’t want chilli balls!
Raga: One often tends to not want chilli balls.
Nakul: Proxy Servers.
Leroy: Malhar! Yay!
Sonika: Dandiya garb and Gujarati.
Why does tick talk?
Lisanne: Because of a tick tock. Who’s tick, by the way? (Looks pleased with self when she figures out the different spelling.)
Nakul: Why does anything anything?
Leroy: Tick has no ****.
Sonika: It's tock without an ‘o’.
Raga: So you mean it’s ‘tck’?
Sonika: Exactly. (Is very pleased.)
Which cupboard would you want to have the keys to?
Lisanne: Admin cupboard. Because it’s my pwoperty.
Nakul: Admin cupboard. I don’t have my own yet (grumbles).
Leroy: Keys to the Moffice (which is not a cupboard.) It would be mine. The entire thing. Mine!
Sonika: Finance. I'll steal the money. And Hospitality so I can steal the coupons. Food is everything.
What is your favourite fruit?
Lisanne( laughs uproariously): Jack’s fruit. Or bananas? Mango. Mango people.
Nakul: Passion Fruit.
Leroy: Pear.
Sonika: Ananas. I don't know if it means pineapple. I know that Leroy likes chickoos though. He's such a ****.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Lisanne: Wannabe mean. I mean mean.
Nakul: Miss India.
Sonika: The biggest chor in the world.
Leroy: Wait I’m getting inspiration from Nakul and Sonika. (After 3 minutes) I’m already everything.
What is your opinion of the Kosovo struggle involving the emancipation of Russia’s territory and the infringement of Georgia’s sovereignty?
Lisanne (stunned): I can’t say anything.
Nakul: Oh. Octopussy, of course.
Sonika: First of all, I didn't understand. Can you repeat? (Raga repeats the question) Why the hell would I know? What sort of a question is that? Leroy should go for emancipation of all men and women.
Leroy: Did you say…?
Sonika: No Leroy, I did NOT say (censored).
Who is your favourite historical figure, and why?
Lisanne: Mother Teresa. I want to be just like her. (Refer above)
Nakul: Marilyn Monroe. I think it was near perfect.
Leroy: Conrad, because he can disgust everyone. He washes his hair with A/C water, you know?
Sonika: Damn, I can't think. Okay, fine. Hitler.
In association with ____
Lisanne: Okay, I like this game. Bingo.
Nakul: Bourbon biscuits
Leroy: Beerfest.
Sonika: Leroy and Conrad.
Raga is ____
Lisanne (immediately): I love Raga.
Nakul: nice.
Sonika: the shit.
Leroy: the Yo (with a cool hand gesture to accompany it).
Raga: Stop sucking up.
My flower is ____
Lisanne: Blooming. You don’t have a flower.
Sharon (OG Admin): What is flower?
Lisanne: Sharon you have power in your flower.
Nakul: I feel violated.
Nakul: I feel violated.
Leroy: beckoning.
Sonika: Dude, that’s very inappropriate. Leroy's flower is growing. I don't want to see it.
Shiny disco ____
Lisanne: balls. I said it before Sonika.
Nakul: Balls man. Or Ahuja. Take your pick.
Leroy: Cheeseballs.
Sonika: Balls balls balls. That’s mine.
Let there be ____
Lisanne: Uhhh, Admin.
Nakul: Light. Love. Peace. Yo, straight up man. Word.
Leroy: shit flying all over.
Sonika: Joy, colour, happiness. Yes, I'm gay. It’s not illegal, is it?
Word Association:
Resignation:
Lisanne: Letter.
Nakul: LA .
Leroy: ShruLA.
Sonika: I can't think that fast. Shrula is in demand man. Just give it to her.
Love:
Lisanne(bares teeth): Me. Do.
Nakul: Ginelle and Leroy
Nakul: Ginelle and Leroy
Leroy: Nakul and Vibhuti.
Sonika: At first sight - Nakul and Vibhuti, Ginelle and Leroy.
FYJC:
Lisanne: What? I feel confused. But not like a boat!
Nakul: Karensa Lobo. (To Leroy) She’s Keith’s sister, man. Shut up.
Leroy: Go home, we don’t want you.
Sonika: Applications closed.
Dishum dhishum:
Lisanne: Boom boom pav. (Very happy. Does a dance)
Nakul: Dishkyaaon. From the hostel.
Nakul: Dishkyaaon. From the hostel.
Leroy: (mock punches Lisanne)
Sonika: Dhadaam dhadaam, bang bang. Oops, it's Leroy.
