The Raga gives OCs Logs, Graffix and Finance a platform to air their views on elbow hair, Medimix, and free food.
What are you? Define yourself in one word.
David Rodrigues (OC Logistics): Me first? Hi, I’m David. I’m OC Logs.
Raga: We said one word.
David: One word? ‘Log’. And ‘Thirsty’. Oh, wait. I’m awesome. Write that!
Sebastian Cyriac (OC Finance): ‘Hungry’. I’m always ‘Hungry’.
Habiba Insaf (OC Graffix): Paintbrush.
What is your favourite movie?
David: The Departed. Everyone dies in the end. Except the rat. [Debates ending with OG Raga.] Habiba: I don’t know… There are so many to choose from.
Sebastian: Oh! The Dark Knight. Maybe Rainman.
David: Yeah, The Dark Knight.
Why isn’t Malhar your favourite movie? How can you call yourselves dedicated to Malhar?
[There is a shocked silence as they realise what they got themselves into. Sebastian is the first to reply.]
Sebastian: Because it’s still in production! [Punches the air, looking like a kid who knows he has the right answer.]
David: Yeah, that. No one famous is acting in it. And none of the actors are hot.
Habiba [mumble, mumble]: I agree with them. It has to be over for me to like it.
What is one thing you like and dislike about your OGs?
David [to Habiba]: You go first.
Habiba [to David]: Why me? Okay, fine. I like them because they are all my friends.
Raga: So that’s why they’re OGs?
Habiba [flustered]: No, no! They’re all good. [Tries to cover up.] I don’t like them because they like Texxx more than Graffix. Yes, I think Fatema has a thing for Keegan.
David: I like my OGs because they don’t take crap from anyone. There’s nothing I don’t like about them. Wait. They don’t buy me food.
Sebastian [looking visibly disturbed at David’s reply]: They wanted to make a chart. I told them not to, but they went ahead and made a chart. [Rocks back and forth, highly traumatised.] I like them because they do their work.
If you were a participant, which event would you take part in?
David [excited at the prospect]: Band event. I’d play the keyboard, vocals and guitar. Oh, and all big prize winning events. JAM, because you get to sit in an AC room. Mr. and Ms. Malhar. I wouldn’t win, but you get attention.
Habiba: Street Dance.
David: So you think you can dance?
Habiba [defensively]: Yes, I can dance, okay?
Sebastian [after a long, thoughtful silence]: I’d take part in Red Wheelbarrow, Raga’s entrepreneurship event. [Smiles and smirks to nobody in particular] I thought well.
Raga: Yes, you did.
What kind of phone are you?
David: Beetel. Because I’m reliable, and it’s reliable, so we’re both reliable. [Sounds pleased with himself for making such a leap of logic.]
Habiba: I’m a Blackberry. I do everything.
Sebastian: I’m a Nokia 1100. It’s sturdy and cheap, like me.
Who do you think designed the current ID cards?
Habiba [happily]: Souvenirs.
David: Me. No, wait. Graffix!
Sebastian: [mumbles something about the dress sense of certain college authorities. We let it pass.]
Dogs or cats?
Sebastian [bored]: Dogs.
David: Dogs. They’re more fun. Can you imagine playing fetch with a cat?
Raga: Yes, you can. They’re easily amused.
David: Oh, you mean your imaginary cat. Just like all your friends. [Raga is not amused.]
Habiba: Cats. They’re much cuter.
If you had only one strand of hair on your body, and you could let it grow as long and thick as you wanted it, where would it be?
David: I can’t tell you. Fine, if you insist, it’s on my left hand. Just below my elbow. Oh, I know! My right nostril. No, wait, on my foot so that no one can catch it, pull at it.
Sebastian [Looks at David’s elbow with much suspicion and disgust. Then, to us]: What will you do with this information?
David: You’ve never had anyone pulling your chest hair, that’s why you don’t understand.
Sebastian: Eeeeeeeeeee. [After much insistence, he finally concedes.] On my back.
Habiba: I’d rather be bald. I can live with that. Fine, then. In my armpit.
What would you do to a volunteer who disobeyed you?
Sebastian [looks embarrassed]: I don’t have volunteers. Okay, okay. [looks sheepish] I’ll beat him. (Oh, we believe you.)
David: I’ll send him to Assistance as punishment.
Habiba [grins evilly]: I’ll shoot them with a paintball gun.
What is your animal spirit?
Habiba: Tigress! I’m as wild as one.
Raga: In bed?
Habiba: That’s classified information.
David: Beaver. [To Habiba] We can name you Habeaver!
Sebastian: Dog. Saint Bernard. Because they are nice.
Have you read the Online Raga?
Habiba: Yes, it’s red. Why was it red?
David: Yes, I came across it accidentally from the Malhar website.
Raga: Do you know that you’re in Malhar the Movie?
David [suddenly excited]: Really? Where? I want to see!
Sebastian: [mutters something about the Raga.]
If Michael Jackson were to come to Malhar as a judge, which event would he judge?
Sebastian [makes a face, then grins]: Face painting. [Leans back, satisfied with his answer.] Habiba: Illuminati. He would glow like the neon lights.
David: He’d be in an event without minors. Okay, okay. I’m sorry. He’d be in a Logs event. Yes, I know Logs doesn’t have events. It could be a barricading event.
If you were organising Conclave, what topics would you have?
Sebastian: Oh, no. We have to think now.
David: Who said Conclave would be there? Okay, fine. Environmental issues. Power to the Peepul.
Sebastian [laughs]: No, no. We must have Conclave. There’s A.C. and free food, remember? Habiba: We should have a Malhar themed Conclave. Ooh! We could make up Malhar gossip!
What is your favourite word or phrase?
Habiba [happily]: Serendipity. It means the accidental making of happiness or something like that.
Sebastian: Why So Serious?
David: Tatterdemalion. No, antidisestablishmentarianism.
Sebastian [mumbling]: I didn’t know you had to say long words. [Proceeds to mumble long words under his breath.]
Habiba: Wait, wait! Change my favourite word. **** has become my favourite word ever since Malhar.
Which soap do you use?
Habiba: Lifebuoy.
David: I don’t know. Whatever’s in the bathroom man. Sometimes it’s white / pink / green. Sebastian [to David]: Tu nahata bhi hai? [to Raga] That…pink one…[the Raga helps him out with Lux] Yes, Lux. It comes in packs of four. It’s really cheap. I don’t have hair, so I don’t use shampoo. David: Yeah, so that’s just feathers on your head, man.
Why don’t you use Medimix?
Habiba [makes a face]: Ewww.
David: What is Medimix?
Habiba: It’s a herbal soap. It smells awful.
Sebastian: Hostelites are very hygienic. We don’t use soaps like that.
David: And I met Santa Claus.
Where did you put your sedative prescription?
David: With my physics—no, my chemistry notes.
Sebastian: That is so David, man. I just give it to my roommate. He’s a small boy from Conclave. Habiba: I just steal David’s whenever I need mine.
David: So you have my prescription? Give it back! [A scuffle ensues.]
If you were conducting this interview, what question would you ask yourself?
David: How cool are you? The answer is ‘very’.
Habiba: Can you talk more than David? The answer would be ‘no’ [Emphatically.]
Sebastian [looking at David]: Can we have fewer interruptions?
Water, water everywhere, but ____
David: It’s not cold.
Habiba: Not… not [thinks hard] [continues thinking] in my underwear.
Sebastian [thinks]: Take it from the Bible, “Not a drop to drink.” [We tell him it’s not from the Bible.] Oh NO! Wait! Big Mistake! It’s the Coleridge guy, right? [Ponders deeply.] Okay. “Water water everywhere, but it’s okay.”
You useless piece of ____
Habiba: ****
Sebastian: Coprolite.
David: Fecal matter.
Touch that ____
David: Touch what? Oh, wet paint.
Habiba: Hey! That’s mine.
David: Fine, you take it. Touch that Assistance volunteer. (Why?) No reason, really.
Sebastian: Posterior.
